he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Vodka?
Forever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
