Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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