While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
