If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
