Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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