youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
