hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
