Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
