I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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