don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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