I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
