Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
