I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
