Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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