You can't motorboat a personality
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
