Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
