Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
