you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
