dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How naked do you want me to be?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
