I'm going to jail i love you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
