you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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