Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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