i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
