Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
