Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
