JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
