so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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