how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
