My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
