he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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