Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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