What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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