Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
