you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We left the knife in your bed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
