so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
