You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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