Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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