If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
