what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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