I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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