Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
