Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
