the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
