so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no you cant smoke seaweed
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
