that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
