She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's always time for handjobs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
