This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
