is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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