So drunk its hurt
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
