Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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