i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
