the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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