He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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