Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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