just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
