The maid of honor just puked.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
