i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
