Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
