Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
