well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
