But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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