And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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