You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
