dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
